Riddles with puns and wordplay.

A PUNNY QUIZ The Contest Center 59 DeGarmo Hills Road Wappingers Falls, NY 12590

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Nashville
       What theater in Nashville had the longest string of bad shows?   [Answer]

Swoz
       What are the best kind and the worst kind of swoz?   [Answer]

Mermer
       What is mermermer?   [Answer]

Ohio Cool
       How do people in Ohio keep cool?   [Answer]

Parrot (Contributed by Eric Rubin)
       When his parrot became chief of a Scottish clan, how did MacBeth break the news?   [Answer]

Heron
       Why did the heron eat salamanders in April or June, but not in May or July?   [Answer]

Pachy
       What is the most common type of cosmetic surgery for pachyderms?   [Answer]

Mole
       What is the newest design trend for molehills?   [Answer]

Hot and Cold
       What dish, served cold in Santiago, is still very hot?   [Answer]

Vup
       If you like vup, but don't like it wet, where should you get it?   [Answer]

Intruder
       What is a Swiss computer intruder?   [Answer]

Time of Day
       What must be drunk only at a specific time of day?   [Answer]

Good Seasons
       How did the septuplets and their parents avoid food poisoning when the chef changed the spices in the recipe?   [Answer]

Murder
       What is the motto of Murder, Inc?   [Answer]

Woodsman
       How did the woodsman know somebody was walking among the evergreens?   [Answer]

Fat
       What international organization is dedicated to helping fat people get fatter?   [Answer]

Egypt
       What do you call an Egyptian osteopath?   [Answer]

Listen
       Why is everyone listening so carefully?   [Answer]

Horse Patrol
       What is an on-duty police officer riding a preening dandyish horned horse?   [Answer]

Fisherman
       What does a skillful fisherman do?   [Answer]

Fleab
       What do you call the people who live in Fleab?   [Answer]

Vichyssoise
       What does a French mother ask her boy when the vichyssoise is ready?   [Answer]

Delicacy
       What delicacy do people in Tonga make from a part of a pig that other people throw away?   [Answer]

Author
       Which Russian author was also a street peddler?   [Answer]

Election
       What is the happiest kind of election?   [Answer]

Murder
       How are murder mysteries measured?   [Answer]

Bush
       What grows on an anheuser bush?   [Answer]

Kirk
       What did Captain Kirk** say to the Enterprise when its engines would not fire up after a battle?

** If you were born after 1960, Captain Picard. If you were born after 1980, Captain Janeway. If you were born after 1990, Captain Archer.

Click here for [Answer]

Shoemaker
       What business does the shoemaker conduct in prison?   [Answer]

Louis
       Where does Louis keep his sheep?   [Answer]

Oriental
       What dietary supplement prevents orientals from becoming too Westernized?   [Answer]

Puny
       What is a puny Belgian insect?   [Answer]

Hair
       What is the most popular hairstyle in Abu Dhabi?   [Answer]

Irrelevant
       What is irrelevant?   [Answer]

Idaho
       What do people in Idaho use to make cheese?   [Answer]

Boring
       What is the most boring computer operating system?   [Answer]

Lone Ranger
       From which state does the Lone Ranger buy his jewelry?   [Answer]

Supply
       Where is the world's largest supply of Wesson Oil?   [Answer]

Cookie
       What kind of distant cookie describes the pleasure of driving a Volkswagen?   [Answer]

Semper Fi
       Semper Fidelis is the motto of what lizard?   [Answer]

Martial
       What do you call morons who practice martial arts?   [Answer]

The Guru's Tooth
       What did the guru say when the dentist offered Novocaine?   [Answer]

Stone Slabs
       What kind of mint can be made from big stone slabs?   [Answer]

Rulers
       What are books about Mongolian rulers?   [Answer]

Arctic Knights
       What opera is about Knights of the Arctic?   [Answer]

Raconteur
       Why is it easy to poison a raconteur?   [Answer]

Clown
       How did the clown sit for her portrait?   [Answer]

In and Out
       There were two young skunks named In and Out. Although they were twins, they never played together. Whenever In was in Out was out, and whenever Out was in In was out. So they did not know each other's favorite in-spots and hide-outs. One day when Out was in and In was out Papa Skunk told Out to go out and find her brother In, who was out, and bring him in. So Out went out to get In in. It took her less than a minute.
       How did she find him so fast?   [Answer]

Baseball
       Which baseball official is entirely on the move?   [Answer]

Stamps
       Many countries get revenue by issuing postage stamps specifically for collectors. Why are all of those stamps so similar?   [Answer]

Hyena
       Why didn't the airline stewardess serve the hyena both dead rats?   [Answer]

Gloomy
       What is the opposite of a Gloomy Gus?   [Answer]

Toes
       What is the yucky stuff that accumulates between your toes?   [Answer]

Santa
       Which of Santa's helpers delivers the toys to Saigon?   [Answer]

Midnight
       What Rock 'n' Roll legend always had his show sometime around midnight?   [Answer]

Jailbreak
       What do you call a haughty prisoner escaping down a rope?   [Answer]

LLLAMA
       A one-L lama is a monk. A two-L llama is a pack animal. What is a three-L lllama?   [Answer]

Hens
       What is a stratagem to get the hens to lay faster?   [Answer]

Pilfer
       What is it called when all your employees pilfer together?   [Answer]

Toothpaste
       What did Descartes say about toothpaste?   [Answer]

Ram Boat
       How does a ram on a boat call his family on the ranch?   [Answer]

Difference
       What is the difference between a girder, a fishhook, a bikini, a hunter, and a rotisserie chef?   [Answer]

Diving
       What hairstyle is best suited for deep sea diving?   [Answer]

Grape
       What happens when you step on a sensitive grape?   [Answer]

Sunday
       If Billy Sunday eats sundaes on Sunday, and Joe Friday eats fried eggs on Friday, what does Tuesday Weld eat?   [Answer]

Washington
       Why is Washington State twice as good as Australia?   [Answer]

Soldiers
       What kind of drawings did Union soldiers make?   [Answer]

Reading Test
       Quickly read the following list aloud: MacHenry, MacHugh, MacHines, MacHale, MacHewitt.   [Answer]

Basic Pleasure
       What is the basic pleasure of displaying your treasures above your fireplace?   [Answer]

King Neptune
       Why is it so hard for King Neptune's choir to sing on key?   [Answer]

Wealthy
       What is it called when your father is wealthy?   [Answer]

Fish
       What do you call deep ocean fish?   [Answer]

Shrimp Boats
       In what units do shrimp boats measure their catch?   [Answer]

Downtown
       Who flips flapjacks and sings "Downtown"?   [Answer]

Beer
       What beer did Noah serve on the ark?   [Answer]

Hawaii
       How do big burly Hawaiians laugh?   [Answer]

On the Waterfront
       What are a wharf and a pier?   [Answer]

Firefighters
       Where do the firefighters' forensic detectives hold their annual convention?   [Answer]

Tight Shoes
       Why did the man hate his tight shoes?   [Answer]

Internet Dog
       What do you call an Internet dog?   [Answer]

Skates
       Which member of the ray and skate family of fishes practices Buddhism? Which member alternately rises and sinks?   [Answer]

Astronomers
       Among early astronomers, whose books contained the most misprints?   [Answer]

Sailors
       What do Chinese sailors eat?   [Answer]

Anchor
       What does Superman say when he hoists anchor?   [Answer]

Spray
       What is the leading nasal spray for dogs?   [Answer]

William
       Where did William Tell take his trash?   [Answer]

Money
       Running out of money before your next paycheck is ...   [Answer]

Two Dogs
       What part of a castle could have two dogs?   [Answer]

Cats
       In the jungles of India, what are the 3 degrees of cat?   [Answer]

Odorless
       What would you call odorless perfumes?   [Answer]

Pinocchio
       What is the motto of the Pinocchio Insurance Company?   [Answer]

Turban
       What do you say when a skinny Athenian hunts for a well-dressed man in a turban?   [Answer]

Spice
       What spice describes the tragedy of Gone With the Wind?   [Answer]

Guard
       Who always keeps a watchful guard over the anthill?   [Answer]

Fertilizer
       What type of candy should not be turned into fertilizer?   [Answer]

Deer (Contributed by Philip Varughese)
       What is the difference between a deer fleeing a poacher and an undersized witch?   [Answer]

Knights
       Which of King Arthur's knights was the most deferential?   [Answer]

Saucer
       If the saucer is in charge, what is the cup?   [Answer]

Orthodontist
       What is the favorite window treatment among orthodontists?   [Answer]

Spuds
       What do you have when your first potato is identical to your second potato?   [Answer]

Wine
       What is the most outrageous Italian wine?   [Answer]

Blazes
       How do they extinguish blazes in a monastery?   [Answer]

Underwater
       What are the regulations controlling the design of submarines?   [Answer]

Tan
       What is tan and brown?   [Answer]

Monster
       How does a mathematician tell a monster to wait its turn on line?   [Answer]

Conversation
       What abruptly ends a conversation?   [Answer]

CIA
       Which branch of the CIA is concerned with drainage?   [Answer]

Spain
       Why are all the Iberian monarchs so homely?   [Answer]

Mid East (Contributed by Suzanne Turrisi)
       What would you call a merger between Israel and Syria?   [Answer]

Shea Butter
       Shea butter is used in skin cream, chocolate, lip gloss, cooking oil, sunscreen, etc. How many different types are there?   [Answer]

Surgeons
       What do you call two surgeons who defy logic?   [Answer]

Fish Jokes
       What fish tells the cleverest jokes?   [Answer]

Swineherd
       What do you call a swineherd philanthropist?   [Answer]

Supernova
       What is a supernova?   [Answer]

Ramen
       Is ramen soup popular?   [Answer]

Annapolis
       Use the word ANNAPOLIS in a sentence.   [Answer]

Join Up
       What fish invites you to join an organization?   [Answer]

Dog Pound
       What coffee sounds like a dog pound?   [Answer]

Petroleum
       Foodlemyer Petroleum has such poor quality that a car engine can only utilize 50% of it. In other words, ...   [Answer]

Perfume
       What did the customer say when her fragrance was not delivered?   [Answer]

Cyclops
       What did the cyclops groom say to his cyclops bride?   [Answer]

The Horse's Mouth
       What kind of story did the hippie jockey tell?   [Answer]

Cowpunchers
       Where do ranch hands record births and deaths among the herds, and shop by mail?   [Answer]

Shellfish
       What do shellfish lovers send each other in April?   [Answer]

Gene Pool
       What happens when you leave the gene pool?   [Answer]

Motto
       What is the motto of the people who shovel and plow driveways in winter?   [Answer]

Fishermen
       What is the motto of the New England Fishermen's Union?   [Answer]

Resort
       Which Latin American resort has a great ocean view, and employees eager to wish you goodbye?   [Answer]

Overcoat
       What is the most economical material for for heavy winter outerwear?   [Answer]

Folder
       What product helps a folder to fold more easily?   [Answer]

Bank
       Who is the bank officer who decides how much you can borrow?   [Answer]

Veggie
       What vegetable is like charcoal?   [Answer]

Sled
       What kind of sled must be used in full sunshine?   [Answer]

Cosmologist
       What is the difference between a cosmologist and a cosmetologist?   [Answer]

Trash
       Who makes witty remarks while removing trash from roadsides?   [Answer]

Paint
       Why is it dangerous to smoke while you paint?   [Answer]

Japan
       Which structure in the mouth is specifically adapted for eating Japanese food?   [Answer]

Police
       What do the Canadian Police call their annual pie-eating contest?   [Answer]

Rooster
       What did the rooster ask about the birthing coach?   [Answer]

Ribs
       Who are those people eating ribs and waiting for a haircut?   [Answer]

Hot Sauce
       On what street in the Deep South do they make the hot sauce?   [Answer]

Wayne NJ
       What color is the cemetery in Wayne NJ?   [Answer]

Restaurant
       What does a dyslexic get at a friendly restaurant?   [Answer]

Can Do
       What does the farm family do with their thousand acres of peas?   [Answer]

Nimitz
       What did Chester Nimitz say to Grace Murray Hopper when she became the first woman admiral in US history?   [Answer]

Bonaparte's Entertainment
       What do you call the intersection where the exiled Napoleon goes to hear the fish sing?   [Answer]

Eiffel
       What are the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and the Louvre?   [Answer]

Begonia
       Where did the Frenchman bury his dead begonia?   [Answer]

Gun
       What is the best way to lubricate a gun?   [Answer]

Chameleon
       What do you say to a chameleon with a broken leg?   [Answer]

Chicken
       How can you protect yourself from a chicken attack?   [Answer]

Space Travel
       Who knows nothing about space travel?   [Answer]

Wyatt Earp
       What did Wyatt Earp invent to make wagon wheels seem quieter?   [Answer]

French Vegetables
       What is the highest award that France gives to vegetables?   [Answer]

Bureaucracy
       What bureaucracy causes traffic accidents?   [Answer]

Henry
       Which wife of Henry VIII was a lumberjack?   [Answer]

Twins
       Which college specializes in educating twins?   [Answer]

Cowboys
       What pet does a cowboy recommend?   [Answer]

Commissioner
       What do you call the Election Commissioner of Bulgaria?   [Answer]

Unscented
       What do you call something that has been deodorized?   [Answer]

BRX
       What are BRX HICKS and BRXTN HKS?   [Answer]

Max at Mt. McKinley
       When everyone else hiked up Mt. McKinley, why did Max stay behind?   [Answer]

Natty
       Who is a natty Arab ruler?   [Answer]

Communication
       How do deaf women communicate?   [Answer]

Sexton
       What advice do you give to a new sexton?   [Answer]

Dallas
       What is the sliced raw vegetable dish served at the start of a meal in Dallas?   [Answer]

Sheep
       Where do they keep sheep in a castle?   [Answer]

Ships
       What grows on the outsides of ships and farm buildings?   [Answer]

Your Turn
       What do call a turning turnip?   [Answer]

Trail
       What trail has fruit and poultry?   [Answer]

Louisiana
       The state of Louisiana is divided into 64 parishes. Which one of them has the most hotels?   [Answer]

Flautist
       What does a flautist use to weed a cucumber patch?   [Answer]

Jewelry
       What military tactic is a form of jewelry?   [Answer]

French
       Which French woman's name sounds like some ears?   [Answer]

Cruise
       The Recreation Director on a small cruise ship wanted to stage Our Town. She was told the actors were seasick, and they wanted more money. What did she need?   [Answer]

Sting
       What is the German term for a stinging rejoinder?   [Answer]

Prisoner
       What did the prisoner say when his hanging was postponed?   [Answer]

Airplane
       Where does an airplane technician go to learn executive skills?   [Answer]

Swedish
       What Swedish surname indicates extremely small stature?   [Answer]

Turf
       Who is the largest turf supplier in France?   [Answer]

Horses
       What do French horses eat?   [Answer]

Deliver
       How do they deliver hot chocolate to a French restaurant?   [Answer]

Comedian
       Why was the comedian arrested for vagrancy?   [Answer]

Piano
       How do you say "the red piano" in German?   [Answer]

Albacore
       What kind of bird eats albacore?   [Answer]

Omelets
       What kind of restaurant serves omelets after dark?   [Answer]

Single Cell
       What single-celled organism used to be an organelle of a bacterium?   [Answer]

Zookeeper
       Why was the zookeeper arrested?   [Answer]

Food

«» What food do salamanders prefer?   [Answer:   Salamander]
«» What food do wildebeests prefer?   [Answer:   Wildebeest]
«» What food do anchorpersons prefer?   [Answer:   Anchor]
«» What food do squirrels prefer?   [Answer:   Squirrel]
«» What food is best eaten at 12 o'clock?   [Answer:   12 O'Clock]
«» What food do kayakers prefer?   [Answer:   Kayak]
«» What food do beer drinkers prefer?   [Answer:   Beer]
«» What food do dolphins prefer?   [Answer:   Dolphin]