Riddles with puns and wordplay.
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French Vegetables
       What is the highest award that France gives to vegetables?   [Answer]

Fish Jokes
       What fish tells the cleverest jokes?   [Answer]

Henry
       Which wife of Henry VIII was a lumberjack?   [Answer]

Wayne NJ
       What color is the cemetery in Wayne NJ?   [Answer]

Bureaucracy
       What bureaucracy causes traffic accidents?   [Answer]

Good Seasons
       How did the septuplets and their parents avoid food poisoning when the chef changed the spices in the recipe?   [Answer]

King Neptune
       Why is it so hard for King Neptune's choir to sing on key?   [Answer]

Santa
       Which of Santa's helpers delivers the toys to Saigon?   [Answer]

Cowboys
       What pet does a cowboy recommend?   [Answer]

Gene Pool
       What happens when you leave the gene pool?   [Answer]

Kirk
       What did Captain Kirk** say to the Enterprise when its engines would not fire up after a collision?

** If you were born after 1960, Captain Picard. If you were born after 1980, Captain Janeway. If you were born after 1990, Captain Archer.

Click here for [Answer]

Cosmologist
       What is the difference between a cosmologist and a cosmetologist?   [Answer]

Fleab
       What do you call the people who live in Fleab?   [Answer]

Ribs
       Who are those people eating ribs and waiting for a haircut?   [Answer]

Hot Sauce
       On what street in the Deep South do they make the hot sauce?   [Answer]

Motto
       What is the motto of the people who shovel and plow driveways in winter?   [Answer]

Semper Fi
       Semper Fidelis is the motto of what lizard?   [Answer]

Eiffel
       What are the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe and the Louvre?   [Answer]

Vichyssoise
       What does a French mother ask her boy when the vichyssoise is ready?   [Answer]

Spuds
       What do you have when your first potato is identical to your second potato?   [Answer]

Join Up
       What fish invites you to join an organization?   [Answer]

Martial
       What do you call morons who practice martial arts?   [Answer]

Wealthy
       What is it called when your father is wealthy?   [Answer]

Horse Patrol
       What is an on-duty police officer riding a preening dandyish horned horse?   [Answer]

Max at Mt. McKinley
       When everyone else hiked up Mt. McKinley, why did Max stay behind?   [Answer]

Woodsman
       How did the woodsman know somebody was walking among the evergreens?   [Answer]

Can Do
       What does the farm family do with their thousand acres of peas?   [Answer]

The Guru's Tooth
       What did the guru say when the dentist offered Novocaine?   [Answer]

Bonaparte's Entertainment
       What do you call the intersection where the exiled Napoleon goes to hear the fish sing?   [Answer]

Ships
       What grows on the outsides of ships and farm buildings?   [Answer]

Begonia
       Where did the Frenchman bury his dead begonia?   [Answer]

Supernova
       What is a supernova?   [Answer]

Shoemaker
       What business does the shoemaker conduct in prison?   [Answer]

Albacore
       What kind of bird eats albacore?   [Answer]

Zookeeper
       Why was the zookeeper arrested?   [Answer]

Blazes
       How do they extinguish blazes in a monastery?   [Answer]

Shellfish
       What do shellfish lovers send each other in April?   [Answer]

Commissioner
       What do you call the Election Commissioner of Bulgaria?   [Answer]

Natty
       Who is a natty Arab ruler?   [Answer]

Listen
       Why is everyone listening so carefully?   [Answer]

Turf
       Who is the largest turf supplier in France?   [Answer]

Your Turn
       What do call a turning turnip?   [Answer]

Airplane
       Where does an airplane technician go to learn executive skills?   [Answer]

Swedish
       What Swedish surname indicates extremely small stature?   [Answer]

Heron
       Why did the heron eat salamanders in April or June, but not in May or July?   [Answer]

Toes
       What is the yucky stuff that accumulates between your toes?   [Answer]

Perfume
       What did the customer say when her fragrance was not delivered?   [Answer]

Bank
       Who is the bank officer who decides how much you can borrow?   [Answer]

Sexton
       What advice do you give to a new sexton?   [Answer]

Soldiers
       What kind of drawings did Union soldiers make?   [Answer]

Intruder
       What is a Swiss computer intruder?   [Answer]

Fishermen
       What is the motto of the New England Fishermen's Union?   [Answer]

Election
       What is the happiest kind of election?   [Answer]

Murder
       How are murder mysteries measured?   [Answer]

Knights
       Which of King Arthur's knights was the most deferential?   [Answer]

Communication
       How do deaf women communicate?   [Answer]

Murder
       What is the motto of Murder, Inc?   [Answer]



Reading Test
       Quickly read the following list aloud: MacHenry, MacHugh, MacHines, MacHale, MacHewitt.   [Answer]

Basic Pleasure
       What is the basic pleasure of displaying your treasures above your fireplace?   [Answer]

Egypt
       What do you call an Egyptian osteopath?   [Answer]

BRX
       What are BRX HICKS and BRXTN HKS?   [Answer]

Toothpaste
       What did Descartes say about toothpaste?   [Answer]

Diving
       What hairstyle is best suited for deep sea diving?   [Answer]

Resort
       Which Latin American resort has a great ocean view, and employees eager to wish you goodbye?   [Answer]

Saucer
       If the saucer is in charge, what is the cup?   [Answer]

Jailbreak
       What do you call a haughty prisoner escaping down a rope?   [Answer]

Underwater
       What are the regulations controlling the design of submarines?   [Answer]

Prisoner
       What did the prisoner say when his hanging was postponed?   [Answer]

Stone Slabs
       What kind of mint is often made from big stone slabs?   [Answer]

Single Cell
       What single-celled organism used to be an organelle of a bacterium?   [Answer]

Beer
       What beer did Noah serve on the ark?   [Answer]

On the Waterfront
       What are a wharf and a pier?   [Answer]

Gloomy
       What is the opposite of a Gloomy Gus?   [Answer]

Two Dogs
       What part of a castle could have two dogs?   [Answer]

Wyatt Earp
       What did Wyatt Earp invent to make wagon wheels seem quieter?   [Answer]

The Horse's Mouth
       What kind of story did the hippie jockey tell?   [Answer]

Fertilizer
       What type of candy should not be turned into fertilizer?   [Answer]

Supply
       Where is the world's largest supply of Wesson Oil?   [Answer]

Deliver
       How do they deliver hot chocolate to a French restaurant?   [Answer]

Ram Boat
       How does a ram on a boat call his family on the ranch?   [Answer]

Cowpunchers
       Where do ranch hands record births and deaths among the herds, and shop by mail?   [Answer]

Grape
       What happens when you step on a sensitive grape?   [Answer]

Sunday
       If Billy Sunday eats sundaes on Sunday, and Joe Friday eats fried eggs on Friday, what does Tuesday Weld eat?   [Answer]

Pilfer
       What is it called when all your employees pilfer together?   [Answer]

Rulers
       What are books about Mongolian rulers?   [Answer]

Chameleon
       What do you say to a chameleon with a broken leg?   [Answer]

Chicken
       How can you protect yourself from a chicken attack?   [Answer]

Ohio Cool
       How do people in Ohio keep cool?   [Answer]

Money
       Running out of money before your next paycheck is ...   [Answer]

Sailors
       What do Chinese sailors eat?   [Answer]

Anchor
       What does Superman say when he hoists anchor?   [Answer]

Spray
       What is the leading nasal spray for dogs?   [Answer]

William
       Where did William Tell take his trash?   [Answer]

Police
       What do the Canadian Police call their annual pie-eating contest?   [Answer]

Swineherd
       What do you call a swineherd philanthropist?   [Answer]

Fish
       What do you call deep ocean fish?   [Answer]

Trail
       What trail has fruit and poultry?   [Answer]

Louisiana
       The state of Louisiana is divided into 64 parishes. Which one of them has the most hotels?   [Answer]

Linen
       What did Ebenezer Scrooge say when he saw his linens hanging on the clothesline covered in soot?   [Answer]

Comedian
       Why was the comedian arrested for vagrancy?   [Answer]

Piano
       How do you say "the red piano" in German?   [Answer]

Space Travel
       Who knows nothing about space travel?   [Answer]

Pinocchio
       What is the motto of the Pinocchio Insurance Company?   [Answer]

Cruise
       The Recreation Director on a small cruise ship wanted to stage Our Town. She was told the actors were seasick, and they wanted more money. What did she need?   [Answer]

Deer (Contributed by Philip Varughese)
       What is the difference between a deer fleeing a poacher and an undersized witch?   [Answer]

Gun
       What is the best way to lubricate a gun?   [Answer]

Washington
       Why is Washington State twice as good as Australia?   [Answer]

Internet Dog
       What do you call an Internet dog?   [Answer]

Mid East (Contributed by Suzanne Turrisi)
       What would you call a merger between Israel and Syria?   [Answer]

Shea Butter
       Shea butter is used in skin cream, chocolate, lip gloss, cooking oil, sunscreen, etc. How many different types are there?   [Answer]

Astronomers
       Among early astronomers, whose books contained the most misprints?   [Answer]

Ramen
       Is ramen soup popular?   [Answer]

Horses
       What do French horses eat?   [Answer]

Nimitz
       What did Chester Nimitz say to Grace Murray Hopper when she became the first woman admiral in US history?   [Answer]

Annapolis
       Use the word ANNAPOLIS in a sentence.   [Answer]

Spain
       Why are all the Iberian monarchs so homely?   [Answer]

Flautist
       What does a flautist use to weed a cucumber patch?   [Answer]

Omelets
       What kind of restaurant serves omelets after dark?   [Answer]

LLLAMA
       A one-L lama is a monk. A two-L llama is a pack animal. What is a three-L lllama?   [Answer]

Firefighters
       Where do the firefighters' forensic detectives hold their annual convention?   [Answer]

Conversation
       What abruptly ends a conversation?   [Answer]

Clown
       How did the clown sit for her portrait?   [Answer]



In and Out
       There were two young skunks named In and Out. Although they were twins, they never played together. Whenever In was in Out was out, and whenever Out was in In was out. So they did not know each other's favorite in-spots and hide-outs. One day when Out was in and In was out Papa Skunk told Out to go out and find her brother In, who was out, and bring him in. So Out went out to get In in. It took her less than a minute.
       How did she find him so fast?   [Answer]

CIA
       Which branch of the CIA is concerned with drainage?   [Answer]

Wine
       What is the most outrageous Italian wine?   [Answer]

Shrimp Boats
       In what units do shrimp boats measure their catch?   [Answer]

Odorless
       What would you call odorless perfumes?   [Answer]

Turban
       What do you say when a skinny Athenian hunts for a well-dressed man in a turban?   [Answer]

Cyclops
       What did the cyclops groom say to his cyclops bride?   [Answer]

Fat
       What international organization is dedicated to helping fat people get fatter?   [Answer]

Baseball
       Which baseball official is entirely on the move?   [Answer]

Hens
       What is a stratagem to get the hens to lay faster?   [Answer]

Lone Ranger
       From which state does the Lone Ranger buy his jewelry?   [Answer]

Surgeons
       What do you call two surgeons who defy logic?   [Answer]

Hawaii
       How do big burly Hawaiians laugh?   [Answer]

Skates
       Which member of the ray and skate family of fishes practices Buddhism? Which member alternately rises and sinks?   [Answer]

French
       Which French woman's name sounds like some ears?   [Answer]

Arctic Knights
       What opera is about Knights of the Arctic?   [Answer]

Cookie
       What kind of distant cookie describes the pleasure of driving a Volkswagen?   [Answer]

Pachy
       What is the most common type of cosmetic surgery for pachyderms?   [Answer]

Mole
       What is the newest design trend for molehills?   [Answer]

Jewelry
       What military tactic is a form of jewelry?   [Answer]

Japan
       Which structure in the mouth is specifically adapted for eating Japanese food?   [Answer]

Hot and Cold
       What dish, served cold in Santiago, is still very hot?   [Answer]

Spice
       What spice describes the tragedy of Gone With the Wind?   [Answer]

Guard
       Who always keeps a watchful guard over the anthill?   [Answer]

Midnight
       What Rock 'n' Roll legend always had his show sometime around midnight?   [Answer]

Restaurant
       What does a dyslexic get at a friendly restaurant?   [Answer]

Mermer
       What is mermermer?   [Answer]

Difference
       What is the difference between a girder, a fishhook, a bikini, a hunter, and a rotisserie chef?   [Answer]

Cats
       In the jungles of India, what are the 3 degrees of cat?   [Answer]

Dallas
       What is the sliced raw vegetable dish served at the start of a meal in Dallas?   [Answer]

Sheep
       Where do they keep sheep in a castle?   [Answer]

Bush
       What grows on an anheuser bush?   [Answer]

Dog Pound
       What coffee sounds like a dog pound?   [Answer]

Stamps
       Many countries get revenue by issuing postage stamps specifically for collectors. Why are all of those stamps so similar?   [Answer]

Hyena
       Why didn't the airline stewardess serve the hyena both dead rats?   [Answer]

Veggie
       What vegetable is like charcoal?   [Answer]

Oriental
       What dietary supplement prevents orientals from becoming too Westernized?   [Answer]

Puny
       What is a puny Belgian insect?   [Answer]

Hair
       What is the most popular hairstyle in Abu Dhabi?   [Answer]

Orthodontist
       What is the favorite window treatment among orthodontists?   [Answer]

Raconteur
       Why is it easy to poison a raconteur?   [Answer]

Tight Shoes
       Why did the man hate his tight shoes?   [Answer]

Sting
       What is the German term for a stinging rejoinder?   [Answer]

Parrot (Contributed by Eric Rubin)
       When his parrot became chief of a Scottish clan, how did MacBeth break the news?   [Answer]

Paint
       Why is it dangerous to smoke while you paint?   [Answer]

Tan
       What is tan and brown?   [Answer]

Monster
       How does a mathematician tell a monster to wait its turn on line?   [Answer]

Trash
       Who makes witty remarks while removing trash from roadsides?   [Answer]



Food

«» What food do salamanders prefer?   [Answer:   Salamander]
«» What food do wildebeests prefer?   [Answer:   Wildebeest]
«» What food do anchorpersons prefer?   [Answer:   Anchor]
«» What food do squirrels prefer?   [Answer:   Squirrel]
«» What food is best eaten at 12 o'clock?   [Answer:   12 O'Clock]
«» What food do kayakers prefer?   [Answer:   Kayak]
«» What food do beer drinkers prefer?   [Answer:   Beer]
«» What food do dolphins prefer?   [Answer:   Dolphin]

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